A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
