I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
