My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Boobs speak an international language.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize
