it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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