I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
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It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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