No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
