I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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