You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I believe in your delicious
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
