everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
