and she was petting her beer can
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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