She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
