it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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