PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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