My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
In America we eat man semen.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
