Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
40s are totally the cure
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
