I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
