Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Randomize
