Just fell off a train. Bad.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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