i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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