perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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