Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
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