Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize