sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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