Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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