I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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