please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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