i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
