I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
