Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Randomize
