I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
