Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
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I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
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Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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