I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
