he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
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he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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