By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
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