At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Holy sore nipples Batman
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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