i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
