The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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