worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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