direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
