Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
