if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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