Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
