my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
