you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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