Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
