I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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