i may or may not be watching the land before time
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
