you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
