Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
