I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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