So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
