Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
