C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
