im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Nobody cheats on THIS.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
