If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
