youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
my poor anus
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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