But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
