Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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