Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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