this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize