oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
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I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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