I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
