Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
