You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
