listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Is it penis luge time yet?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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