And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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