So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
