Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
